People come from all over the world to visit England’s Oiliest Hearth
, searching for that certain special thing, even though they have no idea what sort of thing it is they’re looking for.
Alfred the Great notably failed to establish a mixed-sex monastery here in 888.
In 1191 monks claimed to have found the graves of Arthur and Guinevere round the back of the Abbey somewhere. Such stories inspired medieval writers, such as Rupert de Moron to write down early legends pertaining to the Holy Grail – the drinking vessel that is supposed to have been used by Jesus at the last supper and presumed to possess miraculous powers. Jo of Arimathea is alleged to have caught Jesus’ blood in it during the crucifixion before bringing it to Britain and burying it just below the Tor at the entrance to the underworld. Shortly after this the Chalice Well flowed forth and the water that emerged was said to bring eternal youth to whomsoever would drink it. The Grail itself was rediscovered by St Boris of Avalonia who took it with him on his pilgrimage to the Holy Land and accidentally left it at a bus stop in Jerusalem. All that remains, now in the safe-keeping of the Avalonian National Museum of Theological Artefacts, is the brown paper wrappings upon which are imprinted the pages of the Avalonian Book of the Dead
.
Edward ‘Lumpy’ Stevens famously failed in his 1769 St Swithun’s day attempt to cut the heavenly strings that he believed held up the Isle of Avalon from his carefully calculated position on top of the Tor. On realising his failure he is reported to have simply exclaimed Arse!
and proceeded to get very drunk at a nearby local inn.
No left turn unstoned
Katherine Maltwood discovered the Glastonbury Zodiac in 1935 – a giant earth temple built by Sumerians in 2700BC. Maltwood believed it to be the original round table with Arthur, Merlin, Guinevere and the top knights still seated about it as the signs of the zodiac and the seasons of the year.
In 1970 a local police officer reported seeing eight egg-shaped objects dark maroon in colour, hovering in formation above the Tor.
In 1980 a witness saw several green and mauve lights hovering around the tower, some smaller than others, about the size of beach-balls or footballs. One hovered outside the east-facing window.
In 1990 one Avalonian denizen is reported to have chased a squadron of giant rainbow-coloured insects through the network of narrow country lanes that make up the zodiac. When he finally caught up with them, he claims that he was presented with a plate full of steaming hot pancakes. In a contemporary interview he stated They were the best pancakes I ever tasted!